Touch starvation, the desire for physical human contact. One expert posits that being deprived of meaningful human contact, can lead to serious complications. ‘People who are affection deprived are more likely to experience depression and stress, and in general worse health.’
But it doesn’t take a psychologist to tell us that lack of affection can have a profound effect on people, and even animals. Yes, even animals have a need for affection, and if you own a cat, you’ll be aware of how affectionate it can be as it rubs up on you, curl up against you, loves to make contact and purrs when satisfied.
From a baby is born, it snuggles in the mother’s breast and is comforted by her touch, feeling, soothing voice and caressing.
She too gains from the experience, a sort of symbiotic sensory sensation, as her heart, mind, body and emotions feed off the experience. A child who grows up with lots of affection is generally more emotionally balanced than a child who is deprived. “What a cold man he is, never got any affection as a child.”
‘Skin to skin, skin to skin,
No cold wind blow on me
Skin to skin
Skin to skin
The light it shine on me
Skin to skin
She touches soft.’
Harry Belafonte
But ‘Even the softest skin becomes like leather to a man who’s touched it too often.’
All hunger is bad, and if sustained can lead to serious illness and even death. It’s the same for touch starvation, or skin hunger, it has to be satisfied. The thing is though, women will admit to this, but most men won’t. A woman will say, “My man is overseas and I just want to touch him and feel him.”
When couples are apart for a long period of time, touch starvation sets in, a need to look at each other, touch, caress, kiss. Many couples have expressed that what’s extremely important is the need to satisfy that feeling.
If your man or woman goes away for a long period of time, you can be assured that touch starvation will set in. but conditions apply. There’s the old saying, ‘love and sea water don’t mix.’ That vast span of ocean that separates couples can lead to the demise of the relationship if that hunger is not satisfied.
So if that man or woman goes away for any lengthy period of time, and there is no satisfying that skin hunger, you can bet your last dollar that he or she is eating from a different restaurant. It was the Isley Brothers who sang, ‘IF you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with.’
And don’t tell me about internet face-time either, that’s like someone saying that they’re hungry and you say, “Here, google KFC and look at the video menu.”
“Where’s your woman?” “Oh she’s away for two years now.” “And you haven’t seen her all this time? Boss man, touch starvation muss be taking her.”
But apart from the deprivation of affection, what are the other effects? One is loneliness, and believe it or not, lots of persons are extremely lonely.
Because of this, many of them pour their time and effort into the workplace as that’s the only space where they’ll have any meaningful contact with anyone else. Some men may misread the feelings from female co-workers and read it as an invitation. But many times all that the woman wants is some interpersonal contact to satisfy that touch starvation.
But so many women go home alone every evening to an empty apartment with nothing but the TV for company, and not having the experience of sharing anything of importance with someone.
This can lead to depression and even anger, as that pervasive hunger takes its toll on the human psyche. Even a hug can have a positive effect on people.
A study on the lack of affection pointed out that Just as lack of food, water and rest have their detrimental effects, so does the lack of affection. People with high levels of touch starvation are disadvantaged in multiple ways, compared to those with moderate or low levels.
They are less happy, more lonely, more likely to experience depression and stress and in general worse health.
Fortunately it doesn’t have to be a permanent condition, but like all hunger, can be satisfied.
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