Dog days in the doghouse

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CARTOON2013Men are always doing something, or not doing something, to upset women. Men are always putting their feet in their mouths, oblivious to what effects it’s having on the little woman. Oh Lord, how you face so long…is what wrong with you now...what me do...what me say?”

And thus begins his lesson for the week, seven doghouse days , as she not only gives him a piece of her mind, but lashes him with her tongue, shows him the cold shoulder and makes sure that he sleeps on the far side of the bed. Now I know how sensitive many women are, and have a kneejerk reaction when fingers are pointed in their direction, but I did my research before I put pen to paper. I also gleaned my information from various husbands who wanted their stories told - so that others would know.

Dog Daze

The first chronicle dealing with the doghouse days begins with the man who’s married for 25 years, and happily too. But in all this bliss, just like in hurricane season, he suffers a few weeks in the doghouse that are devastating.

It’s always about the same issue - a past flame, an ‘ex’ who lives overseas and who he has not seen in over 27 years. But there is no statute of limitations where this ex girlfriend thing is concerned. No matter how many years have passed, the punishment that is to be meted out in the doghouse days shall be swift and without mercy. It matters not when the crime was committed or on what continent, the doghouse days shall run their course.

For that reason, any mention of that person’s name, age, birthday, rank or serial number will send the wife into a rage fitting only for a wildcat. Even though that ex lives in Australia, has never visited the country where they now live, and has very limited contact with hubby on the odd birthday and such, she is persona non grata.
He will try his best to explain, but it’s in the doghouse for the duration of her vitriol.

Long Memory

Women tend to have very long memories and short fuses, and at times it seems that there is no rhyme or reason, or any logic to their behavior, but by Jove, there’s method in their madness. The doghouse days will include, pots and pans banging louder than usual when she’s preparing dinner, her not speaking much, scowling, snapping if asked a question, and of course, no mating, the ultimate weapon of mass marriage destruction.
      
But jaded jealousy that spans distance and time is not the only catalyst for these doghouse days, as this other man told me. “I learnt, much to my horror, that I should never compliment another woman in the presence of my wife, as is pure hell and powder house when I got home.”

Loose lips sink ships and torpedoes of terror sink them even faster. Nice things women love to hear, but there is a time and place for everything and his mistake was saying it in front of his wife. There’s this other gentleman who humorously refers to his wife as the “Taliban” - to her face. Throughout the years of so-called terror tactics from his wife, he keeps on going back for more and is either a sucker for punishment, or truly enjoys the bouts of verbal dog whipping.

Fix

Naturally, he only gives me his side of the story and offers no hint of what may motivate his lady to have to resort to dog whispering/training tactics to keep him in check. What’s terrible is that whenever I see her I automatically think of Afghanistan and can’t even recall her real name.
      
What initiates doghouse days from some spouses? At times it takes the merest of triggers, like the husband not washing the dishes after he’s used them. One wife even imposed doghouse days and nights on her husband because workmen came to the house early one morning and overnight dishes were left in the sink. Even if they have a helper who comes in the morning, she must not come to the house and see a dirty sink as that too will reflect badly on the wife.

Despite frequent doghouse days, men really do love their spouses or they wouldn’t tolerate the tirades. It’s a marked difference, though, between a week in the doghouse and living in permanent hell. Men who experience the latter rarely talk. Women do not see it as dog whipping, but perfectly justified actions.
Until the next time…for old dogs have lots of new tricks to learn.

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